Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Velvet at the breakfast bar, Lili & Susie in the tobacconist's,
Shirley on the rollercoaster, and Pernilla on the ferris wheel.

Unfortunately not my schlagerific interview itinerary; I'm talking about the radio (although I'm sure in Lili's & Susie's case, coming across them in a tobacconist's wouldn't be terribly unheard of). Instead of getting to know the big music stars, I was getting to know cheap American early-nineties sitcoms. I've never watched Seinfield in my life before, but when you're an insomniac stuck in a hotel room at four in the morning, you'll give anything a try.

Judging by how she was absolutely everywhere you look, Agnes still seems to be absolutely massive over there, having reached the dizzying heights over the weekend of being interviewed by a ventriloquist and a toy monkey on prime time kids' television. However, it seems to be her 2008 hit 'On and on', rather than any of her more recent works that is still getting all the attention, and perhaps deservedly so.

To celebrate, let's hear it in all its glory.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Leaving on a jetplane...

Göteborg beckons... back on Tuesday.
I'll leave you in the capable hands of 'The Bitch' (aka Jamie)!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The bitch is back (Part 1)

Hey peoples, sorry about the lack of updates from yours truly but am sure Joe has been keeping you entertained with his usual brand of euro wit. It was recently brought to my attention by Mike of Pop Trash Addicts that I hadnt made any kind of contribution in a while so I thought I'd better pull my finger out my ass (not literally) and give you a brief update into my pop musings from the last few months.

First off, Lady GaGa. I cannot describe the hatred I have for this putrid creature. However, that being said 'Poker Face' is a fabulous and addictive slice of contemporary pop and I quite like it when I dont have to see her or even think of her singing it. Quite frankly if I had my way I'd love to poke her in the face with a sharpened stick. Anyway, check out the rancid old slag below in the video for said song that's been hanging around the UK Top 10 like a turd you cant flush.

I've never been a particular fan of Agnes from Sweden but I have to admit that I have developed a fondness for the robotic swedish pop puppet. After she stormed to triumph in Melodifestivalen with 'Love Love Love' (she lost out to a fabulous operatic man/woman) she has since graced the UK charts with 'Release Me'. This sunny bouncy little pop song seems to fit perfectly with the sunny bouncy vibe that has swept the UK of late with our current bout of good weather.

I've never been keen on The Pussycat Dolls. I hated the way that gayers went crazy for their debut single 'Dont cha'. However, I am strangely attracted to their latest single 'Jai Ho' with it's Tatu esque vocals and strange eurovision feel. However, the fact that they've jumped on the 'Slum Dog Millionaire' bandwagon and raped the fuck out of a bollywood epic track still doesnt sit right with me. Oh, and can someone tell that Nicole Scherzinger to fuck off and give those other poor bitches a bit of camera time!!

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this brief update.....more to come in Part 2!!

I Love Europe

'This is the place for you and me... now we need to choose our MEPs!'
...to paraphrase Sir Christer of Sjögren.

And indeed, it's that time once again; the Euro-elections are upon us, and as any Eurofan knows, the only vote worth making is a firmly pro-Europe one. So anyone voting in London better be voting for:

'Yes2Europe'. (Ignore the ridiculous insertion numeral which makes the party sound more like a mobile phone shop.)

Unfortunately the party appears to be pretty regional, so those of you living elsewhere (ie Birmingham) are stuck with the usual lot. Which is fine, but if anyone lets their pen wander anywhere the UKIP box on the voting form, Svante will be round with his henchmen to kick your door down. Don't say you weren't warned.

Anyway, in celebration, we're counting down the top three tunes celebrating European integration.

In at number three, it's the winner of Eurovision most likely to make people say 'was that really twenty years ago?'. Of course Carola is due to take this title by 2011, however in her case, it'll be mainly the botox that's confusing people. Toto is these days better remembered for being the worst ever presenter of Eurovision, a man so criminally inept that he made Mr Bean look like Angus Deayton, although he did get a serious run for his money during the semis this year, didn't he?

At number two, it's Spanish superstar Mónica Naranjo with her headache-inducing rock opera, 'Europa', a slightly edited version of which is seen here being lip-synched (oh come on) on the legendary Operación Triunfo. The full version is a three act drama, weighing in at over 6:17; that's roughly 2.09 Eurosongs (soon to become the official SI unit for measuring song length). Luckily it's in Spanish, which means I don't have to explain the rather dodgy metaphors in the lyrics, and we can skip straight onwards to number one...

Oh, you knew it was coming. Vote wisely everybody!